Diary of a Birth Mom, Part 4 by Terri Rimmer - originally published by adoption.about.com, 2001

01-Apr-2000
Yesterday I turned 34. They made me two cakes and decorated my door. A resident's baby was born on my birthday. Another girl's at the hospital now. I start a two-day temporary job Monday where I used to work. My sister may come for your delivery. I'm five months pregnant as of today. A friend of mine took me out for coffee last night. Today a friend of mine celebrated seven years in AA. I did the first Gladney newsletter for 2000. The other resident's artwork was great. We have five more babies due this month.
04-Apr-2000
A birth mother came to see us today who placed her baby five years ago. She said the first year's the hardest. Another baby was born yesterday.
05-Apr-2000
A resident's boyfriend pressured her into keeping the baby. They're taking her home tomorrow. I hadnight sweats and chills all night. Two other girls are talking about keeping their babies now. Another girl's upset about it. My caseworker's going to say something. I feel okay about the adoption now. Finally. I keep having nightmares that something's wrong with you but they say that's normal.
06-Apr-2000
The resident who changed her mind took her baby home today. I thought about them all day. I saw my counselor. I still haven't felt you move.
07-Apr-2000
Another resident left after placing her baby today. I didn't get to see my cat tonight but will tomorrow. I saw an adoptive couple today with their new baby and got depressed then mad. I started to call my counselor but didn't.
08-Apr-2000
I don't know if this pregnancy is making me stronger but I'm standing up to people. I wish I'd feel you move. Still nothing.
10-Apr-2000
My hormones are crazy. I'm beginning to feel what I think is movement. I got a job with one of the residents. I start tomorrow.
12-Apr-2000
Another resident decided to keep her baby and is leaving this weekend. I started my new job today. It was boring but I'm grateful. The resident who I'm working with is my boss. She talked openly about her adoption decision at work, which surprised me. She said no one should ask me why I'm choosing adoption but I'm afraid they will. I miss writing, creating. I'm getting a new suite mate Friday. She's 29.
13-Apr-2000
The resident who changed her mind left on a bus this morning. She's due May 10th. Another resident went into labor and another one came home. Another girl decided to keep her baby. She's leaving in a few weeks. Tomorrow I get a new suite mate. I found some writing jobs but they're in Dallas. I'm taking off tomorrow. I saw my counselor today.
15-Apr-2000
I got a new suite mate. This is her second baby she's placed for adoption. She was here in '91. She said back then you could pick the family but not meet them.
18-Apr-2000
I cried till 3 a.m. about everything - Jon, being pregnant, my last two jobs, AA, God, the adoption, the girls at work still criticizing me about the adoption. Another resident had her baby. Three girls are leaving Friday.
20-Apr-2000
I talked to Jon tonight. I saw the doctor today. I'm 24 weeks along. Your heartbeat's strong. I only gained three pounds. I saw my counselor today. They're inducing a resident at 5 a.m. tomorrow. I go back to the doctor in a month for a glucose test. I saw an adoptive mom and her little girl today and it made me feel good about my decision. Two more girls are leaving tomorrow.

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