Meeting the Parents by Terri Rimmer - originally published by adoption.about.com, 2001

June 2000
Tara got a second job working in the greenhouse at Gladney temporarily by choice, just a few days a week. After a day of doing it at seven months pregnant, even though it was her choice to work oncampus in addition to her regular job, she realized she'd made a mistake. Hauling pots, pulling water hoses across yards, and lifting things was too much in the Texas heat in the summer but she needed the money. She could barely scoot around in between planters to water the plants, not to mention being unable to get up and down to turn the spigot off and on.

It was definitely for one of the residents who weren't very far along in her pregnancy. But she took the job voluntarily.

The landscaper was paying her $5/hour for eight hours, which earned her $40 for a few days while she was out of town. Tara was going to be doing it again later in the month voluntarily but with still with pay. She was exhausted.

On some days she helped make dinner, and then she took a long nap. Or tried to, which was often hard with the noise in the dorm.

Sometimes she could tune it out, sometimes she couldn't.

Her caseworker had left Tara a message regarding Tara having Indian heritage. Her mom was part American Indian and she'd listed that in her paperwork. It was the center's policy that if a resident had any Indian background in her family they had to rule out the possibility of a tribe possibly pursuing future custody of the unborn child.

This made everything legal.

Since her mom was less than a fourth Cherokee (her dad was part Indian) and had no idea of any tribe, Tara just had to furnish her grandma's and great grandma's birth dates and birthplaces. Her great uncle furnished the information through her mom. He was the family historian who was dying of cancer. He had been battling it for a long time.

He was on the cover of his local paper once posing with Tara's great grandma when she turned 100.

Prenatal classes were starting and Tara's best friend, Susan, was going to be her labor coach, along with the childbirth coordinator. Susan had a teenage daughter and had raised her as a single parent all her life.

There were only two other girls scheduled to be in the class with Tara. One later changed her mind, and the other got out of having to go because she already had a child and had been through a similar class.

Tara kind of freaked out in the first class, just learning a little about labor. Susan, of course, just laughed it off.

"Don't worry, I'm going to be there," Susan said. "This is nothing."

Tara shook her head. "I don't know how I'm going to do this."

The adoptive parents, Veronica and Frank, had their profile book covered on the outside with a computer printout of teddy bears (Tara's favorite) and balloons which she also loved, of course they didn't know either of those things.

Page One Read:

"We've put together a short scrapbook to introduce ourselves to you. Our names are Veronica and Frank and we desperately want a child to add to our family. We are both registered nurses. Certainly we both chose medicine as we feel the need to care for others and make a difference in others' lives. Infertility has become an obstacle in our dreams of creating a family. We are asking God to send us a child that we pledge will be given a home filled with love, cradled in our Christian faith."

Next to the inscription was their wedding picture. Frank bore an uncanny resemblance to Tara's ex-husband, Mark. After a private ceremony, Frank and Veronica held their reception at the zoo. A golf cart carried them to the party, which was depicted in a photo in the profile book.

Frank, who also had a sister named Chelsea who was pregnant, was the youngest of seven siblings and Veronica had two sisters, one also named Tara. Frank included pictures of both of their families in the profile book. They had two dogs that had no idea that they were dogs. The profile book showed pictures of the dogs.

Veronica and Frank loved to travel and went skiing in Colorado as well as visited Disney World. They always attended the balloon festival in New Mexico and liked to white water raft in Colorado. The profile book included pictures of these travels.

In February 1998 they adopted Ben, their son, also from Gladney. The profile book had a picture of them holding him.

Various pictures showed family celebrating Ben's adoption finalization, Ben napping with Frank, and a vacation picture of the three of them in Hawaii visiting Veronica's brother.

One photo page was a collage of pictures of the three of them. Ben was adorable.

The last page had a big picture of the three of them with this inscription:

"Well, that's it, just a quick look into our lives. Hopefully these pictures have helped you get to know us. We are committed to each other and are emotionally and financially ready to provide for another child. We feel we have so much to give a child and hope you will consider us as adoptive parents. We are praying for you, as we know what a tremendous and difficult decision you are making for your baby. We wish you the best and will continue to pray for God to guide you in your decision."

The first time she met Veronica and Frank, Tara gave them the scrapbook that she put together of her life so her daughter would know who she was. She didn't put anything negative in it. It was all positive, all happy. They went to dinner and exchanged gifts and she gave them a separate profile book she made for them about herself.

"Well, I've just spent about an hour looking at your scrapbook, pictures, your newspaper articles you wrote, the Gladney newsletter (you wrote)," Veronica later emailed Tara. "What a talented young lady. I am so humbled that you have chosen my husband and me as APs. I told my mom and best friend that had I met you on the street, we'd be friends - Gladney or not. I am constantly amazed at God's workings. What a plan He must have for all of us! It's very exciting and I see a day where we all meet with God. I do have a few questions for him - How about you? The sonogram today was great. You made me feel so special. Thank you for including me! As I'll never have one of my own, it was so wonderful to share yours with you. I hope you are still happy with your decision to honor Frank and me with the placement of your daughter. Please tell us what we can do - anything to make this more bearable for you!"

Tara gave her a birthstone key charm and necklace for her daughter. She got a matching necklace for herself for the day they were reunited so her daughter could see she never stopped thinking about her.

"Hope your week's going well and you're not too uncomfortable with that baby girl doing somersaults on your bladder," Veronica later wrote. "I think about you so much and wonder how we got so lucky to be chosen by such a special person. People ask me what you're like and I always smile and say �wonderful.'"

Tara had to let Veronica and Frank "in" to her experience. Her anger had always protected her from getting hurt more, by not allowing her to let people in no matter how lonely she was. Her anger told her it was a small price to pay but she felt like it was a big price. Her anger convinced her that it was bearable but it didn't normally feel that way.

Yet she'd rather not be unprotected. She wanted things to be different but she was too afraid of getting hurt. She was sad about it but convinced herself that her sadness wouldn't kill her.

June 6, 2000
One of the more popular residents, a 24-year-old amateur chef, had her baby girl and decided to keep her. She left the night before and said looking at her child for the first time was like falling in love.

Another resident, 16, decided to live in the community but was still going through with her adoption plan and another resident, 21, almost changed her mind about her plan.

Tara found her lying on the couch almost in tears.

"I just came from seeing Jillian's baby," she said. "Tara, I don't know if I can do this!"

"You can do it," Tara tried to reassure her, feeling stronger about her decision than she did a few months ago. "You know you're doing the right thing."

Tara's roommate had her baby girl and Tara's boss and also a resident, was in labor the night before. Tara was scheduled to start full-time at her temp job the next day just for the month of June while her boss was on maternity leave.

The legal department served papers on Alex.

Tara was to get another sonogram on the 19th. That night she and Susan were starting pre natals together.

Tara's niece had her first baby, a boy.

Another girl who had left on the Greyhound bus had her baby - a boy. He was born addicted to crack so now both of them were in treatment together per Child Protective Services (CPS).

June 11, 2000
They'd had a new resident come in over the weekend and give birth that day.

Tara's boss had her baby girl.

The boss' adoptive mom, a New Yorker, asked Tara's boss before the baby was born: "Do you think she'll be born with a Texas accent?"
"Are you kidding?" Tara's boss asked, laughing.

June 14, 2000
Tara got asked questions all the time like "Why are you giving your baby up?" "You don't want her?" "You just don't like kids?" "Can I take her?" "How can anyone give birth and not keep their baby?" "Why are you having a sonogram? If you're not keeping her, why do you care if she's okay?"

And they would say things like "Adoption is so selfish."

Tara talked to Veronica and Frank for the first time the other night for almost an hour. She found out they only lived two hours away and were in their late 30s.

Veronica told Tara that they didn't know what Tara was having so they hadn't picked out the colors for the nursery yet. When Tara told Veronica she was having a girl and that now they'd know what color to decorate the nursery, Veronica cried and said "Thank you."

It made Tara happy.

Veronica and Frank hadn't settled on a name yet. Tara named the baby Justine Hope but knew it would be changed. She just wanted to name her for now while she waited on the final name from them. She named her Justine after Justine Bateman and Hope because she'd always liked that name. She'd know a girl named Hope in college who was an actress and writer and she always admired her. Plus the name reminded Tara of one of her favorite old shows who had a character named Hope in it ("thirty something").

June 16, 2000
Tara compiled a list of good childhood memories to give to her daughter:

Making her footprints in the driveway with freshly poured cement

Playing office/school/store with Chelsea

Eating honeysuckle and musky dimes

Her best friend's backyard

Making "yard salad" with her best friend and dissecting snails (neither of which they ate incidentally)

Skating in the driveway and basement

Another friend's merry-go-round in her backyard

Pigs in blankets

Deer and buffalo burgers

Kindergarten graduation

Chelsea and her friend's spook house in the basement

Chelsea teaching neighborhood kids arts and crafts in the basement

She and her other best friend rehearsing for the first grade musical

Going to Lake Lanier and Lake Alatoona

Camp Inaghei

Baton twirling

Having her pjs fluffed in the dryer before bed by Chelsea

Chelsea sewing her Girl Scout badges on her uniform

Selling cupcakes and cookies in the neighborhood with Chelsea

Her 10th birthday/slumber party

Eating Snow cones at the ballpark where she and Chelsea cheered in Little League

"The Chelsea and Tara Show" she and her sister put on for her parents regularly

Her 14th birthday surprise skating party

Donuts at church
Color forms

Santa

The Easter Bunny

The Tooth Fairy

Rehearsing Christmas carols with Chelsea and her best friend

Temecula, an African jump rope game

Jumping through the sprinklers

Kiddy pool

Halloween party when Tara was 11

Eating noodles with her best friend

Jumping on the bed

Making comedy tapes

Sneaking in bed with Chelsea

Taking naps after swimming and eating her step mom's spaghetti

Playing hooky with her stepsisters and Chelsea

The Varsity Restaurant

"The Midnight Special" TV show

Learning to drive her mom's station wagon

Her princess and black light rooms

Raiding the fridge

Slumber parties

Spencer's Country Store

The antique store

Spending the night at her friend's down the street

Fireworks and firecrackers

Watching the first man walk on the moon on TV

Making tapes with her family

Finger painting

Her first cat

Cooking on the electric griddle

Decorating for Christmas

Ordering pizza while watching the TV. show "Dallas" regularly

Learning to drive her step dad's boat

Fish fries

Swimming at her neighbor's

8 track players

45s, albums

Scary records on the record player

Singing to records

Playing with her best friend in her new neighborhood

Exploring neighborhoods

Playing King of the Mountain at an old sawmill

Discovering a swamp

The Lemon Twist game

Board games

Ice cream parlors

Tony's Pizza

Cheers and chants

The drive-in

The movie "Jaws"

June 17, 2000
Tara met Veronica and Frank for the first time the night before and they went to dinner. She gave them her profile book, a picture frame, and a pin for her daughter. They gave her a gift and two cards. Veronica was taking Tara to her sonogram the next week. Ben was talking about being a big brotherand helping Veronica with diapers and reading to the baby.

Veronica and Frank decided on the name Mackenzie. They knew a little girl named Mackenzie and they liked it. Ironically, Tara's physical therapist and coach in elementary school had the last name of Mackenzie, which Veronica and Frank had no idea of.