Surviving Soberly

Today, March 19 I found out my oldest sister Joy has Stage 1 breast cancer. I was going to wait to write about this. It seems that I'm being insensitive (maybe I am) by going ahead and writing about Joy's diagnosis. Those last two words in that sentence I just wrote look like a foreign language to me. Joy's Diagnosis. It doesn't seem real. I've always been one to have delayed reactions to things. When my parents told me they were getting divorced as a child I didn't cry right away, but retreated to my room. I've been that way ever since. On the surface I guess it would appear that I am cold but that is hardly the truth at all. I just have always used writing to deal with tragedies and problems in my life. Joy, 52, didn't get her mammogram done last year because she was busy although she had gotten it the year before. Five years ago her husband of 25 years died in a car accident. She still has her grown daughters (my nieces) and her four

I left for Florida to see my sister Cindy for a week on March 29 and will be back on the 5th. It's a tradition that I go see her around my birthday every year which is March 31. As some of you know, one of my other sisters, Joy just found out she has breast cancer, Stage 1 and is getting an MRI tomorrow. She lives in Illinois. Yesterday on the plane I was talking to a woman and was telling her about Joy when the woman revealed she had cancer, too. She has been living with lymphoma for two years with no symptoms. She had just felt some swollen lymph nodes on her neck so she went to the doctor. Turns out she lives in Hurst, about 30 minutes from me so I gave her my card and told her to keep in touch. I asked her if it was tough to travel a lot like she does when she's sick. "I'm not sick," she said. "I haven't had any problems." She said her doctor was "the best" and was so great to her. "He has a policy of when he delivers

As my birth daughter's ninth birthday approaches this month I am filled with such gratitude and wonder regarding my most painful yet smartest decision I ever made. Like a woman recently profiled in USA Today recently, I, too placed my daughter for adoption when I was in my 30s at the age of 34 though I had no other kids and still don't. In this day and age it still amazes me the horrible view so many people have about adoption. Yes, of course, there are "bad" adoptions but I know my daughter has a great life because I get visits with her and I see it in her eyes, laughter, and personality. When I was pregnant and after it was unbelievable the amount of vicious comments I got from other women who called themselves my friends as well as co-workers and even the general public. These people clearly still have a backwoods mentality when it comes to adoption - no awareness whatsoever of what the birth mom goes through or why she made the decision she did - a heart-wrenc

So I rent this computer the summer of 1999 though I have no money for toilet paper. Why? Because from the time I was introduced to the Internet in 1998 I was hooked. Then, came the naiveté that comes when first embarking on online dating, thinking that every person is okay and wanting to believe that "he is the one." First there was Charlie from Boston who initially instant messages my best friend as I'm using her computer with a simple message of "Hey, there. So, you're an artist?" My best friend who happened to be gay is not amused and has no idea how this guy got her email address. She doesn't bother writing him back. But I do. And there it begins. He tells me that the explanation for his email address made up of his and another woman's name is that he has a roommate who shares his computer. It was only after I met him while he was in town at a hotel downtown and after we had sex that he tells me over a fancy dinner that that woman

In the 90s a name kept popping up in the recovery circles I frequented. His name was Mark Houston and he was said to go beyond "just not drinking" through his books, tapes, and lectures and I was told I should go hear him "do the steps." So, with a friend I did then I started listening to his tapes in the car. And I was moved although I didn't catch on to the last one. Fast forward a few years to 2005 or 2006 and another friend asked me to go with her to hear Houston speak at another group. It was packed as it usually was when he would take the podium and once again I got a lot out of it. Today was Houston's memorial service in Austin, Texas where he lived. He passed away unexpectedly recently after dying of a stomach aneurysm during surgery. He had gone to the hospital for suspected heart problems. But he left a unique lasting legacy as some are fortunate enough to do. Houston, 63, was an army veteran, earned his Bachelor of Arts degree from the

I've received a lot of good advice over the years but one piece I often think about in terms of having placed my daughter for adoption ten years ago next month. And that is: "Go With Your Gut." Recently I was contacted by a woman struggling to make the same decision: "Well, your story stuck with me. I apologize in advance if anything I say or ask is too personal. However the basics are: I'm 31, six months pregnant, and in the last month or so have really considered adoption for the baby. I have done a ton of research and reading (like you I have a journalism background) but as I found from the beginning of my pregnancy there is not a lot of information or stories about women who are older (as opposed to being 16 and in high school, 18 in college, etc.). Although I am 31, this is still a 'crisis' unplanned pregnancy and I just haven't been able to find a lot of support or information on how to navigate it! Well, from the beginning I thought I

I wouldn't have given "me" away in  relationships  and in the desperate pursuit to be loved. Do you know if you or someone you love has the symptoms of sexual dependency? According to a a Sexual Dependency Program brochure from Coral Ridge Psychiatric Hospital in Ft. Lauderdale, FL behavior patterns of those suffering from sexual dependency may include but are not limited to multiple extramarital affairs and repeated incidents of sexual harassment among others. "My sex addiction was not something that was easily talked about, and when I did talk about it I was told to '˜stop my denial process and concentrate on my allergy to alcohol.' I was told time and again, '˜Don't drink and go to (AA) meetings,'" says David R. "I became abstinent from alcohol. I am now experiencing a level of sobriety that in the past I could only have wished for. We who are recovering from the shame of sexual addiction are truly miracles." According to

I've owned a lot of cars, some standing out more than others. After owning a 1974 VW Super Beetle, 1983 Ford Escort, and a Ford Maverick, I got sold by an ex-con used car salesman on a Subaru station wagon, though I can't recall the year of the car. It was silver with gray interior and at first it seemed great, even through having to pull over on the side of the road in the pouring rain on the way to an awards ceremony, along with a bunch of other motorists who couldn't see to drive either. I guess it was karma, the fact that I sold my bad Maverick to an old man and his daughter or granddaughter to get part of the money for this Subaru, desperate for another car due to steep repairs I couldn't afford. I had just lost my newspaper job when I decided to hop in my newly bought Subaru and haul ass to the annual Florida Press Association Society of Professional Journalists' Awards Ceremony where I was to pick up a prize for news story in the circulation division

First day of spring last year and I get fired from my day job - and in my birthday month, no less. Once we passed the year mark in October 2009, I wasn't too worried about losing my job. I mean every time my boss screamed at me he'd turn around and compliment me or promise something or other. When I met him I thought it was strange he had no employees. That should've been a red flag but I was so desperate for a job I ignored it. His story was that he could find no one reliable and that everyone had screwed him over. Now I know better. The first time I saw his rage was when he yelled at me on Christmas Day, 2008 as my dad lay in a coma in another state. Ruined my holidays, to say the least. If you've ever been in a physically abusive relationship of the romantic variety, you know that first moment when you're struck and you are left reeling, wondering what happened and where that came from? Well, that was my reaction when my boss let his anger loose on me

Back in the spring of 1996 I started attending a recovery group in town where I lived and was immediately welcomed by a drama teacher. Larry Taylor had great one-liners, mined in the fields of teaching for so many years as well as being a foster parent. He was kind-hearted, compassionate, gentle, and had great intuition. I recently found out he passed away from a heart attack, something he had suffered from before. He was one who always put others' needs before his own, right up to his death probably. After meetings on Friday or Saturday nights often there would be poker parties at his house. Those who didn't want to play cards would watch movies and the night was always lively. He always made sure people knew they were appreciated like the time one of our regulars decorated the group as he always did in Martha Stewart-like perfection and Larry made mention of him at the podium as he gestured to the dazzling Christmas tree. "This is what the tree would look like

I hope you don't think I hate you. 06-Aug-2000 Your due date was yesterday. My sister came for three days and left today. She felt you move and said she'd miss knowing you. She talked to you. I went back to the doctor Thursday. You're seven pounds. Your AP mom met me there again. I gave her an angel ornament for your first Christmas. My sister and I stayed at a  bed and breakfast  where they made us heart-shaped cookies with our names on them and brought us peach tea. It's a place for Christian couples and had a Jacuzzi. I crave oranges, limes, sherbet, toaster strudels, and apple butter. I ate a mango and it made me crave a bell pepper. 07-Aug-2000 I had contractions for the first time ever last night! But there were only two, lasting five minutes total. My mom and sister called tonight. I dreamed about you. My doctor's back from out of town, thank God! I keep telling you it's time to come out now. I hope you don't think I hate you. 11-Aug-2000 I&