Surviving Soberly

November 23, 2016 Dear McKenna, Yes, we're on your 16 th annual Thanksgiving letter. There are many things I'm thankful for this year and you are at the top of my list. I made a gratitude list in my head yesterday and, of course, I couldn't help but think of you as I do every day. When people find out about my adoption choice, they always ask questions, which to me are silly, but I guess to them are not. Things like: Do I love you? Do I think about you? And, you know the answers to both of these questions is “Absolutely.” It's been a good year. You are my inspiration, my muse, my heart. I love your sense of humor, what makes you you, everything about you. Most of all I love that you have had such a great life and you have a wonderful life ahead of you. I'm so glad that Vicki and Larry are raising you. It has always comforted me. I always love hearing about the things you are doing, funny thing...

Didn't Mean to Say That: Client - “I left the TUBA in the fridge. Didn't know if you still wanted it. Pet sitter had left some tuna in fridge from an overnight visit. Pet sitter racking her brain - TUBA, TUBA, TUBA. What TUBA? Wouldn't I see a tuba? And why would there be a tuba there? Finally, it clicked. TUNA! She meant to say TUNA! Story 2: Told my boss my time sheet seemed low on the pay. She adjusted it and texted me. “Now you should be comfortable with your PAIN!” ? I texted back, “You wrote “the above.” I think you meant to say PAY :) She texts back, LMAO. Sometimes my voice texts makes some interesting choices!  

Remember my friend from college whose teenage daughter was in a bad wreck from texting and driving a month ago? Well, she got out of the hospital. They sent her home with a wheelchair and a walker and she'll be going through physical therapy. My friend wanted me to spread the word via a pic of the car and get the message out about not texting and driving. The police said her daughter was lucky to be alive.

Had to get a biopsy the other day and ultrasound and none of my family has called me. I feel so alone. The biopsy was unexpected. They did it while I was in there for the ultrasound. I got emotional when I got in the car and was driving to my errands. I had no one to hold my hand, no one to take me to lunch and make me feel better. I'll have the results on the 16th. My boyfriend died of cancer in 2005. I've lost several friends and family members to cancer and my oldest sister is a cancer survivor. I hope my insurance will pay for the ultrasound and the biopsy. I doubt they'll pay for anything else. I've always said if I got cancer I'd be screwed because of my insurance. Plus I'm not that strong.    

August 6, 2016 Dear McKenna, You turning 16 soon brings us to another annual birthday letter. You will turn Sweet 16 on Aug. 15 and get your license on the same day – a huge turning point in your life, a stepping stone that is a huge responsibility and a privilege. You are such a good driver, much better than I was! And I'm proud also of the person you have become so far. You're so smart, mature, ambitious, talented, and curious. I get teary-eyed when I think of how everything has developed up until now. I remember reading about all your milestones through the years and seeing your pictures up till now, marveling at my little girl, emailing friends and family those emails and pictures, scanning photos. I have framed so many pictures, made photo albums, often gone back over baby pictures, finding it hard to believe that so many years have gone by so quickly yet not so quickly. I still have the “McKenna Walls” that you saw so long ago when you were ten o...

In between watching the Olympics opening ceremonies I was watching the Kitten Olympics on the Hallmark Channel which were hilarious. They played volleyball, bad minton, and track, and the cameras visited the kittens with their activities in the dorms. Then they did synchronized napping where they had to keep their eyes closed. Whoever did got the gold. The judges said, "Oh, looks like Team North just can't keep their eyes closed." So the brown and white tabby Team South won. "And Team South kills it to bring home the gold." It's going to be on for a few nights with other events. They have a couple of real Olympic judges doing the commentary. A couple of cats are named Purrcules and Nadia Come n' Scratch Me. They all have Olympic names combined with cat names. no plus ones Yeah, I really do need to start that dating thing again.

Growing up in a middle-class family in the 70s we never wanted for anything. There was steak on the grill every Saturday night, parties in the basement, big meals at holidays, breakfast on the electric griddle at the kitchen table, plenty of Halloween candy and we never went hungry. Mom always shopped heartily and Dad always brought us treats and took us to ice cream and pizza parlors on weekends. At the movies we always got popcorn, candy, and Coke. The money seemed endless. Mom was a tightwad and Dad was a spendthrift. He always bought people things but never himself. He’d have the same clothes and shoes falling apart for years but everyone had everything they wanted for Christmas. We lived in a three-bedroom house with a basement, attic, and garage, washer and dryer, decent furniture, Dad had a workshop in the basement, we had a swing set and sandbox in the large backyard, a new driveway. We had two cars. Dad always decorated the house lavishly at Christmas and once when I h...

(Parts of this editorial were originally published in June 2016): Today is Father's Day but I don't acknowledge my father, Anthony John Persico, born in Brooklyn, New York, whose ancestors were from Sicily, Italy, though I am proud of my heritage. A year ago, I wrote: Tomorrow is Father's Day and I write this with tears streaming down my face. Not because my father is deceased, though he is. But because he lives in my nightmares eight years after his death and because his sexual abuse of me and my three sisters still affects me daily. I had nightmares about him before he died but since his death I wake up every hour with them. Sometimes he's alive in my nightmares but sometimes he's not. He's still very much alive in my life. And now the flashbacks are back, too, as of yesterday, though they had gone away. I want to make it clear to anyone who is reading this that thinks that when a child is sexually abused that it doesn't affect them when ...

I'm going to say this and I don't care who unfriends me or who doesn't like it. In light of the Orlando shooting, I feel compelled to post this. I have 2 relatives who are gay. Nothing makes me sicker than to see some of my friends, long-time and short-term, and relatives say things like "God has a reason for things" in terms of what has happened. You are talking about people who I love. God did not do this. A sicko did this. It hurts my heart and makes me want to cry in sorrow. In 1998 I was with a gay person in a parking lot. Her neighbor knew she was gay and came at us with a broken off beer bottle. I was so scared. She told me to go in the house but I said, "I'm not leaving you." That was just a taste. She told me, "Terri I've been going through this all my life." He terrorized her all the time. So, don't tell me what happened in Orlando was God's will. Or that every time a gay person is hurt or is threatened that God h...

Finish making amends See McKenna get married and have a child Skydive Taking flying lessons and get my pilot's license Go to Europe, Italy, Australia, Greece, Holland, Mexico See the world Take belly dancing Go to the Olympics Take horseback riding lessons Get a horse Lose weight for good and keep it off Put in an in-ground pool and get a deck built Hang glide Maybe remarry Give to more charities Start a birth mom magazine Take photography lessons Take salsa lessons Get a camcorder Transfer videos to DVDs See Bruce Springsteen, Bonnie Raitt, The Stones, Fleetwood Mac, and Sarah McLachlan in concert See Sheryl Crowe in concert Learn to speak Italian Get my asthma under control Learn to play the piano and guitar Overcome my fears Be able to pay my bills Keep money in the bank Get a boat Overcome some things Overcome the past Learn to meditate and do it daily Get another bike and ride regularly Go to 90 in 90 Be cured of my...

Jan. 16, 2015 Dear Bryant: I know I've never written you a letter before. But you turned 18 today and I wanted to say a few words. When I met you in June 2000 with your parents you were two years old in a car seat sucking on a bottle and I remember thinking, "That's the calmest toddler I ever met." We ate at a Mexican restaurant your parents liked and you quietly banged some spoons on the table while your mom told me how your biological dad was a musician. Both your parents were engaged with you at the dinner table and that made me feel good for you and for you sister's future. When I saw you again you were at Placement Day where McKenna would go home with you and your family. Your family minister was showing you how to feed the ducks to distract you from the formalities of the ceremony. You really wanted to feed those ducks! I watched you grow in rare visits, but many photos, videos, and stories from your mom. I remember one time ...

20 years ago I moved to Fort Worth with my husband at the time for his job. Two months later we separated on my 30th birthday which was Easter Sunday and later divorced.At the time we separated and he went to California, he said, "I can't believe you're staying here. You don't even know anybody!" But I had a job and when you've been in foster homes and all kinds of places you learn to adapt. So I did.  I often have wondered what would've happened if I left. But if I left, the re would've been no McKenna, no Ripley, no Marbles, no volunteer award, none of the many jobs where I learned so much, none of the canine and feline pet sitting clients that I loved and the pet sitting clients who came to trust me, none of the friendships I treasure, the research studies. I took the road less traveled, as they say, and I am better for it. I can't believe it's been 20 years. I consider Fort Worth my home and not the town I grew up in. Thank you to those wh...