Family HIstory

I found out today that my psychiatrist has me not only diagnosed as bipolar but also as psychotic.
Quite upsetting, to say the least.
It had a great deal of effect on me the whole day.
Even scarier? My first response inwardly was happiness.
I thought to myself, "Hey! I'm psychotic!"
Which is psycho in itself.
Then the rest of the day I was sad.
Later, after work, as I lay in bed trying to sleep, I thought, "Who's going to want to be with me now?"
Not that I was some great prize anyway.
My eyes are wide open now, having called so many people psycho up till now.
Not that they weren't, mind you.
How many episodes of "Dateline" and "48 Hours" have I watched about people who were psychotic and thought for sure I was different.
Well, I'm not a serial killer.
But, there it was in black and white - psychotic.
And yet, on my meds I feel so normal.
Of course, I do.
Three years ago I found out, much to my shock that my fourth cousin killed herself with a gun the day she was sent home after shock treatment. My mom told the doctor when my fourth cousin was sent home that it was premature and that something was wrong but the doctor brushed her off.
Then, a few years ago on Labor Day weekend my fourth cousin's grandson killed himself and his dad.
I had no idea this was in my family.
You never know what's in your ancestry.
I never had a chance.
And yet, I have a sister that is normal.
She got lucky.
Why didn't I?  

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