Surviving Soberly

August 14, 2014 Dear McKenna: It's something – you're going to be 14 tomorrow and it is time once again for your annual birthday letter. I just found out you've outgrown Chuck E. Cheese and now prefer the mall though you are NOT a shopper. Neither one of us got that shopper gene. I loved getting your recent pictures from Jamaica. In some of your pictures you look just like my sister Cindy when she was your age. It's uncanny. As usual, I've been pondering what to say in your annual letter. Tomorrow I'll make the annual trip to the park to honor your birthday. This year's been a blessed one as it always is when I get to see you. Being with you is like being free, all my troubles just seem to melt away. It's great to see the world through your eyes – dancing, innocent, stars, shining, possibilities endless, unhurt, hopeful. For my 14 th  birthday I got a skating party which was a blast. It was a total surprise. I got home fr...

When they placed you in my arms my world changed from dark to light.   never knew a mothers love until I looked into your eyes Your smile and laugh heal me now and I remember your every detail. Although many criticize and misunderstand I know you’re in the best of hands. I did what I did because I wanted you to know laughter and peace, and never know the pain of ~ the coldness of a hungry night. loved you enough to give you life but now I know that was all I could give. You have a mother who’s so good to you, who loves you enough and can give you more. I wanted so much to give you that that I couldn’t take anything less. For you there should be ribbons and bows and play and love and hugs galore. You came from me but now are hers and always will be part of them. Although my thoughts are so much with you I wanted to give you you so much more than me. I hope one day you II understand it all and smile at how lucky you are. There is a God who loves you so and every day ...

Aug. 6, 2003 Dear McKenna: Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for your annual birthday letter. You'll probably read back on one of these one day and think: "She's corny," but anyway. I've been reflected the past few days as to what to say in this letter, your third one. I can't believe it's been three years. I can still remember what it felt like to have you in my belly and how active you were. I know your mom has big things planned for your third birthday on the 15th and I hope you eat some cake and that your appetite is better. I want so much for you, the things I wish for, dream about, planned on, yet have always heard that it's bad to live you life vicariously through your children and have see the damage that can do. Luckily for you and I you won't have to bear those burdens. Instead I can just imagine with excitement what  you'll be like, think about the personality that has already formed you, one that will conquer...

Chances Running along in our daily lives Taking for granted the faces we've known the lives we've touched the places they've been Conversations from years ago. Laughter, tears, jokes aside. Solemn oath to see together. Trying to make sense of it all. And yet hopeful for the future. A grandparent to come. I picture your smile far away from me and yet as close as my soul draws breath Today, no matter the loss or time the beauty in you your hand touches mine across the miles even though in spirit I feel your hope it lives in me and carries me through another a a night of hope of calm surprise a tender sleep Good night little one. Terri Rimmer ©

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You know how New Year's Eve is always tough for me because of my Dad's death? Well, tonight I went to the chapel at Baylor All Saint's downtown for the first time.  The chapel is really tiny. I had never been in it. I walked in and saw writings from Psalsms on the walls and started getting emotional. I went up to the little alter and knelt and prayed and started crying. I also picked up a lot of good literature from there. I dropped off the stuff at the ICU waiting room there at the same hospital like I did last year in Dad's memory - books, magazines; etc. for people to read.  Then on the way home I was behind a bus that had a huge ad on the back that read "What if there really IS a God?" Weird, huh?   Terri Rimmer ©