Surviving Soberly

Jan. 16, 2015 Dear Bryant: I know I've never written you a letter before. But you turned 18 today and I wanted to say a few words. When I met you in June 2000 with your parents you were two years old in a car seat sucking on a bottle and I remember thinking, "That's the calmest toddler I ever met." We ate at a Mexican restaurant your parents liked and you quietly banged some spoons on the table while your mom told me how your biological dad was a musician. Both your parents were engaged with you at the dinner table and that made me feel good for you and for you sister's future. When I saw you again you were at Placement Day where McKenna would go home with you and your family. Your family minister was showing you how to feed the ducks to distract you from the formalities of the ceremony. You really wanted to feed those ducks! I watched you grow in rare visits, but many photos, videos, and stories from your mom. I remember one time ...

20 years ago I moved to Fort Worth with my husband at the time for his job. Two months later we separated on my 30th birthday which was Easter Sunday and later divorced.At the time we separated and he went to California, he said, "I can't believe you're staying here. You don't even know anybody!" But I had a job and when you've been in foster homes and all kinds of places you learn to adapt. So I did.  I often have wondered what would've happened if I left. But if I left, the re would've been no McKenna, no Ripley, no Marbles, no volunteer award, none of the many jobs where I learned so much, none of the canine and feline pet sitting clients that I loved and the pet sitting clients who came to trust me, none of the friendships I treasure, the research studies. I took the road less traveled, as they say, and I am better for it. I can't believe it's been 20 years. I consider Fort Worth my home and not the town I grew up in. Thank you to those wh...

Update on McKenna, my birth daughter, who's been having to use a feeding tube since age 2: "Still eating the centers of oreos, some french fries, whipped topping, hi chews when I can find them ate Walgreens and lays potato chips. All bad for braces, but a girls gotta eat what she can! " - from Vicki, her adoptive mom. (I know it's junk food, I'm just happy she's eating more). ©

August 10, 2015 Dear McKenna: So, this year you will celebrate your 15 th birthday on the 15 th , which I just found out is considered your Golden Birthday, a once-in-a-lifetime occasion when you turn the age of your birth date. According to my research, unless a person is born on Leap Year, everyone gets to experience this Golden Birthday at least once in their life. Your Golden Birthday is also referred to as your Lucky, Grand, or Star Birthday. You can celebrate your Golden Birthday with lots of gold using gold ribbons and gold stars and lots of glitter. You could put together a time capsule of your 15 th Golden Birthday to be opened in ten years. It'd be interesting to see what you put in and look at when you're 25. I copied the meaning of the number 15 for you from the Internet which comes from the Bible that you can draw strength upon for when you struggle: The Meaning of Numbers: The Number 15 The number 15 in the Bible pictures rest...

August 14, 2014 Dear McKenna: It's something – you're going to be 14 tomorrow and it is time once again for your annual birthday letter. I just found out you've outgrown Chuck E. Cheese and now prefer the mall though you are NOT a shopper. Neither one of us got that shopper gene. I loved getting your recent pictures from Jamaica. In some of your pictures you look just like my sister Cindy when she was your age. It's uncanny. As usual, I've been pondering what to say in your annual letter. Tomorrow I'll make the annual trip to the park to honor your birthday. This year's been a blessed one as it always is when I get to see you. Being with you is like being free, all my troubles just seem to melt away. It's great to see the world through your eyes – dancing, innocent, stars, shining, possibilities endless, unhurt, hopeful. For my 14 th  birthday I got a skating party which was a blast. It was a total surprise. I got home fr...

When they placed you in my arms my world changed from dark to light.   never knew a mothers love until I looked into your eyes Your smile and laugh heal me now and I remember your every detail. Although many criticize and misunderstand I know you’re in the best of hands. I did what I did because I wanted you to know laughter and peace, and never know the pain of ~ the coldness of a hungry night. loved you enough to give you life but now I know that was all I could give. You have a mother who’s so good to you, who loves you enough and can give you more. I wanted so much to give you that that I couldn’t take anything less. For you there should be ribbons and bows and play and love and hugs galore. You came from me but now are hers and always will be part of them. Although my thoughts are so much with you I wanted to give you you so much more than me. I hope one day you II understand it all and smile at how lucky you are. There is a God who loves you so and every day ...

Aug. 6, 2003 Dear McKenna: Yes, it's that time of year again. Time for your annual birthday letter. You'll probably read back on one of these one day and think: "She's corny," but anyway. I've been reflected the past few days as to what to say in this letter, your third one. I can't believe it's been three years. I can still remember what it felt like to have you in my belly and how active you were. I know your mom has big things planned for your third birthday on the 15th and I hope you eat some cake and that your appetite is better. I want so much for you, the things I wish for, dream about, planned on, yet have always heard that it's bad to live you life vicariously through your children and have see the damage that can do. Luckily for you and I you won't have to bear those burdens. Instead I can just imagine with excitement what  you'll be like, think about the personality that has already formed you, one that will conquer...