Always Misunderstood

So I go to a Halloween party last night and only three people are dressed up besides me.

This was a place I felt safe - till last night.

This guy I know, crazy ass - crazier than me, who lives with his parents and refuses to work, wants to judge me and tear me apart for being who I am.

That's why, a few weeks ago I decided to definitely drop out of the recovery program. I feel like I'm leaving a cult, like I need a deprogrammer.

I'm so tired of being criticized, judged, torn apart; etc.

I have never been around such jerks as I have in AA.

My drinking buddies treated me better.

When I think about how many times my heart has been broken, stomped on; how many times I have been treated as if I killed a family of five because of my mental illness and depression, because of the choices I've made in the past, I just die inside.

If I just keep working like I am, I don't need those people.

I have never met so many pedophiles, rapists, sickos, stalkers, con artists, womanizers, patholigical liars, momma's boys, lazy asses, cheaters as I have in this place.

I didn't even drink with these kinds of people.

All I need is God.

Screw these people.

I have met a few good people in these rooms.

The problem is you have to weed through all the assholes; etc. to find them and I'm just tired of doing it.

It's not worth it any more.

I'm a survivor.

Always have been, always will be.

I survived my dad's abuse, moving 23 times to foster homes; etc. before 18, and all kinds of things.

I may drink again.

Am I willing to take that chance?

I don't know.

For now.

Terri Rimmer.


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