Spiraling Down the Rabbit Hole
Why is it when you think you're doing good, you're not at all?
You're juggling this or that, then someone new comes along with a friendly face and pulls the rug out from under you, only to have you in that place again - that suicidal place where you have to be facing another smiling, clueless face who wouldn't know depression if it bit them in the ass.
And all you want to do is run home and pull your face under the covers but you can't because you have an obligation even though that after ten years they've told you you can't come back.
Ten years of services. Like a real job even though the longest you held a job was three years. They don't know what a big deal this is for you. And they don't care.
So you're suicidal and you go through the paces while choking back tears, despondent, only the student doesn't know it because they don't have that - whatever you're supposed to have to pick up on that.
Like the rest of the world.
Going about their business without a clue.
The wind is out of my sails but I'm supposed to act like everything's fine because that's the only thing society will accept, nothing less. Not even when someone has cancer, which I don't. But even when people do, they don't expect them to complain. We live in a society where if you're missing a leg, society wants you to pretend like nothing's wrong.
Where, if your boyfriend died of cancer (which did happen to me), you're supposed to want to live anyway.
We live in a society where you can go to an AA meeting and people don't care that you want to die.
You're supposed to act like nothing's wrong.
I know they don't care. So, I work, work, work.
It doesn't help. But it makes me forget that they don't care.
Terri Rimmer
You're juggling this or that, then someone new comes along with a friendly face and pulls the rug out from under you, only to have you in that place again - that suicidal place where you have to be facing another smiling, clueless face who wouldn't know depression if it bit them in the ass.
And all you want to do is run home and pull your face under the covers but you can't because you have an obligation even though that after ten years they've told you you can't come back.
Ten years of services. Like a real job even though the longest you held a job was three years. They don't know what a big deal this is for you. And they don't care.
So you're suicidal and you go through the paces while choking back tears, despondent, only the student doesn't know it because they don't have that - whatever you're supposed to have to pick up on that.
Like the rest of the world.
Going about their business without a clue.
The wind is out of my sails but I'm supposed to act like everything's fine because that's the only thing society will accept, nothing less. Not even when someone has cancer, which I don't. But even when people do, they don't expect them to complain. We live in a society where if you're missing a leg, society wants you to pretend like nothing's wrong.
Where, if your boyfriend died of cancer (which did happen to me), you're supposed to want to live anyway.
We live in a society where you can go to an AA meeting and people don't care that you want to die.
You're supposed to act like nothing's wrong.
I know they don't care. So, I work, work, work.
It doesn't help. But it makes me forget that they don't care.
Terri Rimmer
Comments
Post a Comment