Turnaround

You know the saying, "In a New York minute, everything can change?"

Well, I had one of those moments yesterday, thank God!

After getting such bad news the day before, which I wrote about here, I get a phone call from my psychiatrist's office while in the middle of working telling me that he's going to keep a handful of patients - and I'm one of them.

I was stunned, shocked, thrilled - all of the above.

I couldn't believe it! These things never happen to me.

I called my sister later and asked her if she called him or something. Nope, she said. Just talked to God.

I still don't know if my therapist put in a word for me.

All I know was the rest of the day seemed to effortlessly go by, which is NEVER the case, even with my heel spur, which I've been contending with for years.

Nothing seemed to bother me, like when I got on my first anti-depressant.

Turned my whole day around.

I wasn't alone any more. I was back in the safe zone.

To those of you without mental illness who are just going about with your lives unaware of such things - this is  a huge deal. Pray you never have to go through it.

If you're into that sort of praying thing.

And today, I actually took 20 minutes and untangled two dog leashes that I normally would've given up on and passed on to my friend Jon, who not only has such patience for such things, but actually thrives on them. Me, I wouldn't have even tried. And I was working out the kinks in this tangle and knot mess from hell, I didn't get mad but felt a sense of accomplishment and thanked God for it. Corny, I know. But this is a person who at 5, would just throw something in a corner with no lack of patience whatsoever. And I carried that into my adulthood, never getting beyond it. I was glad I could hang in there.

I thought to myself, imagine how patient God has to be with us, tangling out all our knots and tangles and how long it takes him.

My birth daughter,who has a feeding tube, doesn't let anything stop her - she plays piano, drums, makes straight A's, has published two books through the school, is artistic, has played soccer, and sings in the chorus. She is my inspiration!

She has never seen me in my sick state, thanks to my meds.

And neither has my boss.

I wouldn't have a job otherwise.

I would only have an existence.

I also threw out some old prescription drugs last night that I'd been holding on to for no apparent reason, ones that weren't working for me any more. It felt good to do that.

A real surrender.

I figure if my psychiatrist can give me another chance my letting me be in his circle of patients he's holding on to, then I could step out on faith and get rid of these drugs that I stopped taking a long time ago because they don't work for me.

Stepping out on faith. I may regret it. But hopefully

when I do, my Higher Power will step in to rescue me once again.