Surviving Soberly

You know the saying, "In a New York minute, everything can change?" Well, I had one of those moments yesterday, thank God! After getting such bad news the day before, which I wrote about here, I get a phone call from my psychiatrist's office while in the middle of working telling me that he's going to keep a handful of patients - and I'm one of them. I was stunned, shocked, thrilled - all of the above. I couldn't believe it! These things never happen to me. I called my sister later and asked her if she called him or something. Nope, she said. Just talked to God. I still don't know if my therapist put in a word for me. All I know was the rest of the day seemed to effortlessly go by, which is NEVER the case, even with my heel spur, which I've been contending with for years. Nothing seemed to bother me, like when I got on my first anti-depressant. Turned my whole day around. I wasn't alone any more. I was back in the safe zone. T...

Shock June 10, 2013 Today I found out my psychiatrist is going to just be working in nursing homes now and that my last appt. has been moved up to the 26 th . I'm alone. No one understands. I'm fighting back tears as I write this because no one understands and never has. Even my therapist said, “It affects me, too” and I want to reach through the phone, grab her and say, “Yeah, but you weren't fantasizing about jumping out of a window just yesterday.” And that's on five meds. I wish I could go to a meeting and be surrounded by people who understood, be embraced, hugged, and loved. But instead all I get is judgment, screwed up faces who look at me as if what I have is catching, who back away and mutter stupid platitudes like “Everything happens for a reason.” I was fantasizing earlier that if a certain former friend said that to me about this situation I would go grab a knife and tell her that if she ever said that to me again, “I'd kill her.” I don...